Lessons from the big city

It is hard to believe that I have already been living in Toronto for a whole month. In this month I have learned a number of big city lessons:


1) Don't talk to people on the subway.
Why? Well, it is likely that whomever you are attempting to speak with will ignore you, leaving you with nothing but hurt feelings. It is also quite possible that you may be thrown-up upon - depending on the particular line you are riding, and the given hour. Both of these things happened to be simultaneously two weekends ago. I was taking the subway from a dinner party in East Toronto to Bathurst and Bloor to meet Robyn and the Allys at a night club at around 1am. Sitting across from me was a little girl who couldn't have been more than 15 years old. She was passed out drunk, with her bags splayed about her. She woke up and didn't look so good. I asked if she was alright but was ignored. She then began to lurch indicating she was going to throw up. I had a plastic bag in my pocket and got up to hand it to her. Before she managed to grab it she spewed a healthy stream across the subway car. I jumped back, dodging the revealed content of her stomach, and then like a ninja leaned in and dropped the bag in her lap. She picked it up, but then proceeded to vomit all over herself, missing the bag entirely. After a few minutes, she got up and left. I felt horrible for her because I think she missed her stop when she was sleeping and most certainly has a long hard journey ahead of her. I wanted to call her a cab, but there is no cell reception underground. I thought about walking her out, but thought that may have been creepy since she was so young. Anyone with advice as to proper protocol in such situations please let me know.


2) Be careful on the streets.
Why? I have seen two fender benders, and one person hit by a car. The fender benders were pretty run of the mill, but the person being hit by the car was a little out of the ordinary. Instead of describing it as a person being hit by a car, it would be more appropriate to say that the car was hit by a person. It was late, and Robyn and I were standing on a busy corner waiting for a street car. Across the intersection from us a drunk, early 20 something guy ran in front of an oncoming street car, narrowly avoiding it, only to run into the side of a slow moving Lincoln Navigator. The Lincoln drove through the intersection and pulled over. The guy bounced up, leaving his flat brimmed hat in the middle of the road, and ran up to the passenger side of the vehicle yelling "Are you alright?" as if he could have potentially done significant damage to the vehicle's occupants. The driver of the Lincoln got out, yelling and swearing at the kid, "The light was green! You SOB. I'm going to kick your ass!". The driver looked like he was on leave from the set of the Jersey Shore. He was getting ready to fight the kid for breaking his driver side mirror which was dangling a few feet from the ground. His arm candy girlfriend jumped out of the vehicle and climbed on his back to hold him back from getting into a fist fight with this puny drunken sk8r boy. The Situation got back into his vehicle and drove away. Robyn yelled at the kid to go to the hospital, across the street from us, but he went about his business.


3) Stay away from daytime TV.
Why? Have you seen daytime TV? I haven't had TV for a couple years, but a TV came with our apartment's furnishings and we get about 6 channels. I am unemployed, and under-friended, so I have Oprah and Dr. Phil to keep me company while I scrounge the internet for potential employment. Today I learned that there is such a thing as a retro-sexual, and that I'm not supposed to wear brown shoes with a black belt.


I have more wisdom to share, but I have to be somewhere shortly so will have to keep my knowledge to myself for the time being. I am volunteering tonight at a community center doing some demolition/reconstruction work towards the end goal of a new bike co-op for street-involved populations. 


Have a safe day kids.